I cannot sleep. After I’ve been working hard to prepare for tomorrow’s exam, I still cannot sleep. Maybe there is still some space inside my brain to be filled with BEL tingy. Actually, I miss him. I miss him so badly. After he told me that we will not meet up as frequent as before because of problem that cannot be avoided. Neither calls nor meet up. It would be rare. I was crying just now, coz I know it seems like a test in our relationship. He asked me to be strong. I asked him whatever it is, we will be contacting each other. He said that if i miss him, take the bear and hug it. Assume like it is him. It makes me even more sad. OMG! I feel so sad and cry for the whole day but still I try to be strong and study no matter how hard it is and Alhamdulillah I made it. It’s just I need to leave the rest to Allah. At first I didn’t have mood to study, I tried to find a way and thus, I called my mom, I felt happy to hear mama’s voice and then she passed the phone to all my sibs, I can hear the happiness in their voices, they kept on advising me enthusiastically. Arina told me that there is a progression in her maths while Asyraf also can deal with all of his science subjects, automatically I forgot my sadness and I got the determination to study back. My mom even asked me about Awan but I didn’t tell her that I missed him and how bad I feel inside. I pray the best for him, and support him. Even now I’m crying still, I don’t know why, I just feel so sad, so fucking sad. Maybe crying is the only way for me to relief the pain. He asked me to study. He wanted me to get the best future in life and he even said that he believed in me that I can do it. When I feel low, he will strengthen me up. Honest to say it’s hard for me to live without him as he has been a part of my achievement instead of my family. I just hope thing will be fine.
I will always love you no matter what happens bb.